Spread The Word Not Venereal Diseases

WORD

to your mother……

For anyone who was unable, or unwilling to go to the English Club’s reading on Friday missed out on a great event, the only thing that was missing was you.

The silent auction had some great items being sold at bargain basement prices. You could have bid on a private concert with a renowned Idaho bagpiper, or could have snacked on a can of unicorn meat. You heard me right, canned unicorn meat; every bite was guaranteed to make you sparkle. Just think this was just the beginning of the evening’s festivities.

Once the party really got started a young man, who will remain nameless, sauntered to the podium and told the crowd a story about “Green Assholes,” interesting title huh…..well you should have heard it, he had the crowd rolling in the isles with his witty tale of discolored body parts.

Next up into the spotlight was Tom (no relation to the cat), who tantalized us with metaphors, alliteration, and assonance that equaled the greats, names like Shakespeare, Eliot, and Thomas crept to mind. The only thing missing to this poetry reading was the beret and snapping fingers.

The only female reader of the night, announced that she would try not to puke or pass out on the crowd (I’m sure due to her obvious drinking problem), and spoke words of death, diet, and Wes Welker.

The last student, Mr. Wetzler read a short story that channeled Dave Barry; it was a tale of his hood, the crazy antics of the neighbors, and farm animals. His story was touching (I don’t mean what the neighbors were doing to the farm animals).

Matthew Haynes, published author, stylish dresser, and top notch professor, dazzled us all with a literary version of Faces of Death, then finished off the evening with two poignant tales, of a friend dying of cancer and his nephew who lost his life in Iraq. I tell you this man can write a moving story.

I’m not sure what happened after I left (I was sobering up and had to get back to the bar), but knowing this crowd, they partied like it was 1999.

I now challenge all of you English Majors (and even you others), to attend the Word event in April, your life will be forever altered.